october is pregnancy, infant, and child loss awareness month.
1 in 4 families are affected by pregnancy, infant and child loss.
we are one of those families.

our sweet angel babies.
noah and nora.

Last years post can be found here.

you can read their stories here...

today is the day that at 7pm our time,
we light a candle in remembrance.
of all the babies who have died.
we say a prayer for the families.

it begins on one side of the world,
a wave of light that spreads across the globe.
its beautiful.

while each year is different for us,
this year my grief and pain is almost numbed by the chaos life has become.
lately, i have been filling my plate so full...
so i don't have time to really remember.
really work through.

until i sat down to write this post.
i haven't written in a while because my heart is struggling.
i have moments where on instagram or Facebook its easy to share bits and pieces.
but here...
on the blog...
i have to take time out and really think.
let my heart pour out.

i have 100% been avoiding it.

because i knew that it would unravel me.
im scared.
im tired.
im angry.

i knew that when i sat down...
the flood gates would open and i would bare my soul,
not only to you all, but to my Heavenly father.

thats one of the beauties of this blog...
as scary as it is to write and hit publish...
its so therapeutic and calming.
everything else just stops.
i can hear His voice. His truth.

He hasn't left me.
He is stirring change in my heart.
my hearts desire is being flamed, and He is asking me to trust.
to hold out my hands in surrender and say,
Lord, i am yours. Use me.

I've been reading The Best Yes.

(you can click on the photo to view more)

it has brought me to my knees.
it has broken me,
in all the right ways.

how fitting that in this month, this book is what was laid on my heart to read.
where i break down all the walls and open my heart.

oh my sweet angels,
i miss you.
one day i will see you in perfect health.
restored to His glory and beauty.

until that day comes,
i will remember...
the grace you have taught me.
the strength i was given, walking this road.
the gift of a closer marriage.
the gift of remembering on those nights where your brother won't sleep...
how amazingly blessed we are to be entrusted with him and your sister.

for those who have lost a baby,
i am so very sorry.
i am here for you.
i am praying and loving on you.
don't hesitate to reach out.

please look at the #captureyourgrief and #waveoflight hashtags.
the beautiful community that has come together to help each other.

will all my love,