we have to go for an ultrasound later this week.
more waiting. more time.

not the answers we were looking for,
but we are still trusting in Him.
we are faithfully walking forward in His grace.
even though i stumble, i will get up and keep walking, in His grace.

please continue to pray. please, please, please.

our God is greater, our God is stronger, 
God you are higher than any other,  
our God is Healer awesome in power, our God, our God.

this is the raw, honest, truth of me right now.
i know His faithfulness.
i know His promises.
i am doing my best to leave it at His feet.
i wish i could say, i haven't cried.
that i haven't broken down,
questioned why we cant have a clear answer right now.

i am an emotional wreck.
there are moments of complete peace,
of comfort and grace.
then there are moments of gripping raw emotions.
anxiety. fear. sadness. confusion. irritation.
and these moments go back and forth, back and forth.
trying to figure out what to prepare for...
joy or grief.
then i feel guilty for wanting to know what to prepare for,
how can I want to know whether i can grieve, if this baby is perfectly healthy?

i know that His timing is perfect. and that His grace is sufficient.
but that doesn't mean that there isn't sadness and grief.

i struggle. daily. hourly.
i wish i didn't, but i do.
i have to multiple times a day, lay this at His feet.

a wise friend shared this with me :
"you know these hours make no difference to the Lord's will, but these hours you are growing... that is grace"

thats a tough pill to swallow.
but its true.

i mentioned to my mom i feel like i am at a fork in the road,
waiting for the answer of which path i am going down.
she reminded me,
its not a fork, its a curve,
and you don't know whats around the corner.
and thats scary.
be kind to yourself.
you don't have to have it together every moment.

so in these next few days,
i will try to be kind to myself.
i will take it moment by moment.
i will seek His face.
i will cry, laugh, sing, pray.

can i ask you again to be in prayer with us?

xoxo, kate