the past couple nights i haven't been able to sleep from 4-6 am.

i toss and turn. wide awake.

ryan asleep on one side. 
eden just fed and asleep on the other.

if i am completely honest:
i stalk on instagram. facebook. check my emails. search on craigslist for a piece of furniture for a diy christmas gift for eden.

and then, when i still can't fall asleep, i pray.

we pray before we go to bed each night. sometimes they are fervent prayers. but lately, they have been short and to the point prayers.

"thank you for our blessings. protect us while we sleep and through out our day tomorrow. give us wisdom and guidance. let us sleep well and be fully rested when we wake up. amen."

well, this morning.

again, can't sleep. i go through the routine... and roll over.

then i am prompted to get up and have my quiet time.

something that i have not done in a very long time.


fear. shame. pure laziness. guilt.

i haven't spent true one-on-one time with God.
i have been embarrassed to admit that. scared that He wouldn't want to spend time with me.

oh what lies we tell ourselves. the lies we will believe.

so i got up. out of bed. grabbed my bible. got to my computer. opened up youversion and found two devotionals.

talking with God in prayer
the confident woman

oh how my soul is filled.

while God restored my soul, He reminded me of how much He loves me. He desires me. He finds me valuable, worthy, with a specific purpose.

this was the prayer that was at the end of the devo:

LORD, I ask you to imprint Your love into the depths of my heart. I believe you have a great future for me and that I can walk in Your purpose for my life. Amen.

i write down everything, so while writing this prayer down i added, "into the depths of my soul, my heart." 

after writing it, i prayed. and wow. 
the peace that came over me.
the reassurance. the love.

and with that the Holy Spirit revealed to me:
"Kate, you are in the season I have you in for a specific purpose. embrace it. don't fight it."

a powerful word.

i have struggled so much lately with my purpose. what is it?
 it never occurred to me, i am in it already.

while i am writing this, At the Foot of the Cross by Kathryn Scott is playing on pandora...

trade these ashes in for beauty.
and wear forgiveness like a crown.
coming to kiss the feet of mercy, 
i lay every burden down, 
at the foot of the cross.
and you've won my heart.

youtube video

what a wonderful way to start today.

not what i was prepared for. not what i thought would happen.
but so worth it. so refreshing.

i am sharing this, because i know that i am not the only one who is experiencing this season right now.

know that you are loved. you are so very loved. that He is waiting for you. He desires you. your time. your heart. your everything.

don't wait like i did. jump in. let His perfect love and mercy surround you.