its pitter-pattering on our windows. the sound of rain is so comforting to me.

but tonight, it is different.

the forecast is tomorrow afternoon we will be hit with the beginning of hurricane Sandy aka.Frankenstorm.

[and to think we moved from Texas and its hurricanes... only to be in PA and preparing for power loss as well as flooding]

ryan got a phone call from work asking him to travel tomorrow.
to lancaster, pa.
aka. closer to the storm.
for three days.

we talked about him going and decided that he would say no.
unless they couldn't find anyone else.

well, they needed two people, and yup. ryan is one of them.

while at first, i wasn't too concerned.
i would miss him, like i always do. but he is providing for our family, and he is helping work out.

but this afternoon, we went to a birthday party. and on the way home we had a talk.

one of those talks you really don't want to talk about. the ones you don't want to even dream about.

the talk of...
what will happen if something were to happen to one of us. or even both of us.
what will happen with Eden? our future children?

its gut wrenching to think about. i can not imagine life without Ryan. i don't want to.

even worse, i don't even want to think of the possibility of Eden being left without both of us.

it makes me cry. ache.

as a mama, you want to protect your children from everything. love them fiercely. share life with them. the thought that that could be ripped away from her... 

dear jesus help me.

help me...
to not let my mind wander.
to give this to you, fully.
to protect our family. 
to watch over ryan while he is gone.
to keep everyone safe through out this storm.

so i ask you, please pray for not only Ryan while he is gone, but for the families and people who are in the path of this storm. for safety and protection. for not only the physical storm, but for the emotional storms that brew in our hearts and soul. that can get so easily out of hand with worry and fear. pray for the children. 

for not everyone has the love of storms that i do.

so while its pitter-pattering outside, i give my worry and fear to you lord. 

i will miss my partner in crime, my strength, my warmth, my love. even though its only for a couple of days...